The tiny bottle was cool in Thomas’ palm as he rolled it up and down, staring down at it absentmindedly, and his thoughts elsewhere. Nothing mattered anymore. He spent his entire existence in pain, a constant dull ache in the back of his mind never to go away. A small part of Thomas didn’t want it to go away, he felt he deserved to live with the constant reminder of what he did to him. His best friend. His unspoken love.
He killed Newt.
What sort of person would do that? Kill the person they loved. It was his fault Newt was dead. It was his fault Newt wanted to be dead. It was his fault Newt had try to die the year before. It was always his fault.
He put Newt there in that prison. He caused Newt to lose his memories and be trapped with no escape. Thomas drove Newt to the point of suicide, to the point where he couldn’t take it anymore. Newt blamed him for everything and he was right too. All he did was cause pain and death and destruction wherever he went. Even now, the people in paradise were all mourning over the family they left behind and he was the one that brought them to this place.…show more content… The struggle they had. Newt’s rage at Thomas failing him. It felt like a colossal weight his shoulders never to be lifted. This was the only way to lift it. The tiny bottle was the only way to rid himself of the torture.
He hadn’t even told Minho what happened. Well, not yet, not face to face. Thomas couldn’t bear to see the look on his friend’s face when he told him what he did. He couldn’t take Minho hating him for what he’d done, the only other person who at least partly understood him. So he wrote him a short note for when they found him. In scribbled writing, Thomas