MEMORY LANE presents as a futuristic, sci-fi, psychological thriller. The plot offers an intriguing visionary and cautionary future world where one's memory can be scanned for criminal activities. There's a lot that can be done with this original and refreshing concept.
The goal for the hero is clear: he must find his family and clear his name. The stakes are very high. The hero faces solid moral choices to make about his actions and his family. The hero’s actions and choices drive the plot.
The script presents with several smart story choices. The idea of a detective who works in a futuristic, forensic Watcher Program that captures memories of criminals is very appealing. The idea that the detective loses his own memory is a clever irony.…show more content… The opening VO explaining the Watcher Program and one’s addiction to memories is engaging.
Consider trimming the scene on page 5 when David learns he can’t father a child. There’s no need for him to burst into tears and fall out of his chair. This feels melodramatic. Just end the scene with the doctor telling him, he can’t father a child.
There's a solid inciting event when David is shot and his family is abducted. David is forced to piece the memories of his life together to try and save his family. However, it might be more effective to hold off the idea of David learning of Jackie’s affair with Brian. Keep this a secret to be revealed as David begins to remember his life. Moreover, in order for the affair to work, there has to be some hint or motivation regarding why Jackie has an affair with Brian, as Jackie and David seem like a happy couple.
The kidnapping scene is very harrowing and jumps the plot into a forward motion. One can feel Jackie's determination to save her child and her fear feels genuine. The action in the scene is well crafted, although it begins to run a bit long. Consider trimming some of the dialogue in this sequence. Let the action drive the…show more content… The scene with Brian and the flashback of him filming the gangsters is a bit confusing. How can he be filming himself? Also, this distracts the audience from the main storyline regarding David, impeding the pace. It’s not clear how Brian filming the mobsters is related to the overall plot or conspiracy about David’s family. Also, on page 80 re-work the dialogue, “I guess thems the breaks.” This doesn’t sound like a media mogul.
On page 81, it’s not clear why SWAT is at the building or how they found it. On page 83, the scene with the projector of images, such as the pornography, Nazi Germany, Hitler, along with Victor’s voiceover doesn’t fit with the plot. It feels too surreal. Victor’s dialogue doesn’t sound fully coherent, “Religions needed to invent the devil and music producers smiled all the way to the bank.” The purpose of this scene or how it connects to the main plotline or conspiracy isn’t well clarified.
In addition, on page 85 the scene with the people strapped into simulations and “Human watch: Experience all of what any human being experiences...” is confusing and, again, it’s not clear how this relates to the storyline. Thus, these scenes either need to be a well clarified and connected to the conspiracy or they need to be