We spend our lives getting to know ourselves, yet wonders never cease."
“It is profoundly startling not to trust oneself after decades of doing so.”
What brings oneself to the point where they no longer have a reason to live, and how do we get to this place? Does one truly understand the battle with in oneself when battling darkness?
Edward Hoagland, in his essay Heaven and Nature, reflects on his own thoughts and experiences of suicide along with his companions. He views not only his questions and thoughts of the suicide, but also the differences of suicidal thinking.
But what is it like to be drowning within the darkness when you no longer can trust yourself?
Through out my life I have experienced way more then one ever should. I know first hand the fear and pain from abuse starting at a young age. I know the pain of not having my father as a child; to after discovering whom he was having a few short years to now a relationship with…show more content… So quickly they all went down. With out a fight, or struggle finally something with ease. Everything stopped, the screaming ended. Peace, I laid my head down on my pillow, and closed my eyes and felt nothing.
What felt like moments later I could feel the heat from the sun shining through my tall, dark wood framed window. My head was pounding, and I rushed to the bathroom to throw up. Not realizing what had happened last night, I cleaned myself up and started to get ready for my day. I walked back into my room to see the empty bottles over by my bed. Memories of what I did flooded back and I fell to the ground. I am still here, but why? I was given a gift, a second chance, and even though I was crying I could feel nothing but peace.
I don’t know how I survived that night, I should not have. I don’t know what happened while death and I dance all through the night, but I now see life so differently. I feel so much love for my gift, and from that day forward I choose to make each day